Merry Christmas!

So, today is Christmas-The most wonderful time of the year. Before today,I was not in the Christmas spirit at all. However, after last night of playing wii with the fam and today having a christmas dinner, I can honsely say that I am. I mean who couldnt be with all the family and friends wishing you a merry christmas?
My sister, that's who. she for some reason hates christmas. Maybe it is because we dont have a family like the ones you see one tv or the ones that are really perfect.But Im happy so why cant she be?
I decided today that when i have a family Im going to make christmas really a happy time. Because 2000 somewhad years ago, Jesus was born. christmas really is not about all the presents or any of that. it's about family. My mom and my sister and my grandfather all hate christmas for some reason but i think they are all forgetting the real pointe of it. the pointe is to be thankful for what you have and remembering those who have passed. and i truely believe that my grandmother and my cousin who died are up in heaven having a realllllly big party with Jeses and God. They would want us to be happy, not sad that they arent here. I bet the party up there is way better than any party here on earth could be.
When I get older im gonna make christmas a happy time and have so many traditions. I cant wait till im older and christmas can be happy again. everyone needs to stop stressing about everything-gifts, being happy, and just everything. because it's when you just relax and let things fall into place when u'll truely be happy. Sooo Merry Christmas!

Black Friday

This morning i went shopping to catch all the sales going on because it's black fridaaay ! That was pretty fun. However, im realizing that my mom still thinks im a little kid. Sometimes she treats me so maturely but i dont really like it. and then other times, like today, she treats me like a little kid. I mean, yeah i know shes my mom but i can do things on my own now. I'm growing up.
I was making cookies and I really wanted to do them by myself. I HATE cooking with her becaue she gets soooo like aggravated when i mes up something. it's frustarting to me. I eman it wouldve been okay if the cookies didnt turn out perfect because that's part of the fun. I know she just wants to showw me the right way to do it, but i knoww howw to friggen make cookies!! I was opening the wwrapper and she told me i was doing it wrong. Then i just asked her if i could pull that thing inside the oven out to put the cookies in the oven and then she came in and did liekt he whole thing for me. I couldve done it. i really couldve. Im not even gonna try to do anything by myself anomore because it's so aggravting. Im sixteen years old. Im going to be driving soon and shes not coming with me. Nooooo way. Because you knwo what? It takes practice. Just like evrythinnnnnnnng else. Shes not perfect at everything either. Uggggh it's so annoying.
and then my sister yester on thanksgiving was driving me insane. We went to the movie because its a tradition. But we got there too early so we had to wait. So, my dad wwas like walking around looking at the movie posters and stuff and he kept saying under her breath "could we just stay in one place?" like really annoyingly, liek she was sooo annoyed by it or embarassed. Then i wa looking at a movie poter and i wa reading it because it liek told what it was about and then she jut ordered me to go sit down with her she was like "sit with me" "huh?" "come sit with me" and i said no and he said i looked retarded. I got sooo mad and i had enough. I neverrrr yell and i didnt even yell i just so "oh my god no i dont." and she said "oh my god can you not yell at me?" and then like stormed off. shes such a bitchhhh and cares so much what everyone thinks its craaaazy. it's drives me insane also.
I neeeeed to get out of my house, really. pretty soon im gonna crack.

we have to move on.

My friend lauren L. is kinda driving me insane. Her life is so depressing it's ridiculous. she thinks she an't help it but really she can. she just doesnt want to. she says that since her uncle ouldnt survive this life she doesnt know how she can since he was the strongest person she knew. He was depressed. depression is an illness and it can make tyou do things you do not usually do. she;'s not depressed (not yet anyways) so she CAn be happy. there is nothing holding her back from that. her grandmother is dieing, wait, no, her GREAT grandmother. she thinks that no one knows what she is going through, but basically everyone does. everyone has lost someone veryveryvery close to them including me. I have also lost a cousin to drug abuse and another cousin is abusing drugs now. Everyone has something in their lives that they can't control or are not happy about. However, we all get through it and so will she. she just has learn to cope with the thing sthat she cannot control and move on. That is what these people who we are mourning over would want. They wouldn't want us just to sit around feeling sorry for ourselves. So, in honor of them, we should live their lives the way that they would want us to live them.

I've been thinking a lot of last year. I have spent too long trying to move on. So, i decided instead of holding my feelings in, im just going to let them run their course. I will move on when the time is right. i will probably always havew a little plae in my heart for ben, but another guy (and others after him) will too. Until I find the right one, and he will beat all these other guys and be amazing. So, ill wait. and let those feelings run its course to. Time to let go and move on.


=)

I don't know anymore. . .

So, tonight I went out with Ryan. Tony and his girlfriend Sarah came too. During the movie it was okay. He put his arm around me and we held hands. But, I don't know. It just didn't feel right you know? Like when I held hands with ben I would squeeze his hand a certain number of times and then he would like mimic it and for some reason I really liked that. Ryan doesn't do that...
Then on the way home, we were in the car and he was kinda mean. He was like making fun of people and like what their voices sounded like. He was making it seem like they have a dissability. That's just not funny to me.
I dont know what to do. He's just not the guy I thought he was...and it's dissapointing. ):

Braced.

Last tuesday I got braces. (july 21st) They really aren't that bad. They are clear so you can't see them as much as regualr braces and you can't see the hardly at all in pictures. The spacers killlled and everyone who has/had braces tolded me that the braces hurt like just as much. They don't. The braces make it just a little bit trickier to eat, because food gets stuck in them, but they don't hurt really at all! i don't have the bottoms on yet. I'm getting those in 3-4 months.
My sister actually has been pretty good lately. I dont know if she smokes but now i dont even care anymore. I mean, it's her body that she's doing damage to, not mine.
I've been feeling really wierd lately and i dont know why. Like one day i will feel so confident and pretty and the next feel really insecure and ugly. It's strange.
Ben's got a new girl, her name is Sydney and she's really pretty. I'm going to try to keep going with Ryan. he seems like a really nice boy and that's what i need.
I'm getting sorta excited for school to start up again. But, i know once that first day is over i'm going to want it to be summer again. I hope I don't feel like afreshman still. My fried Joe from St.Louis is coming to DHS. It's pretty excited because I know he will be glad to see me (:
I'm really tired so im going to go to bed. Goodnight <3

Such a Klutz.

So, last sunday i went out with Ryan and our friend Tony and his girlfriend. It went really well and we all had a lot of fun. But, then a couple nights later Ryan texted me and he said he was at Ben's house. Eveer since then, he doesn't really seem too interested. I want to know what Ben said because I had a feeling that he said something to make Ryan chance his mind about me. Or maybe it was because when he texted me when I was at meaghan's house, I told him what we were doing :talking in the dark hahaha. And maybe he though it was wierd? I dont know. My mom keeps asking me whether hes texting me or not and if he's not she says "WELL, WHY NOT??" and shes trying to be funny but it really isn't....it's gets me thinking that he doesn't like me.
So, lately I have had so much on my mind regarding boys and it's so overwhelming. This is all my thoughts:
Does ryan like me or not? What did Ben say to Ryan? Jamie wnats to go out with me but i've never even met him! Travis likes me. This kid Brad likes me and I don't even know him. Meaghan emily and lauren had a sleepover and din't call me. Im sick of Joey and Lauren always being together. I'm so sick of my mom and my sister fighting. I'm nervous about this year. I cn't deal with Lauren L's problems anymore and I feel really bad. My teeth hurt because of the spacers, Im getting braces on tuesday (tops) and they might make me look wierd.Theres just so much going on that one day I'm just going to crack!!!!!
I've been such a klutz lately because of all these things running through my mind every single second of everyday. I'm tired and my mom keeps bugging me on going out with my friend when i just want to stay in and just chill by myself and get things straightened out with me first. I;m just so overwhlemed and IT'S SUMMER. This shouldnt be happening. Like yesterday at Target I got a slushie and the guy specifically said "dont fill it up all the way or it will overflow." and what did i do? I FILLED IT UP ALL THE WAY. and what did it do? OVERFLOWED. then when i went to get a napkin, i hit the cup and it spilt everywhere. It was such a mess and it was embarassing. But, whatever.
I give up on boys. I really do. They are just so like wierd. One minute they like you and then the next minute they dont. so, i give up, again.

It's disgusting!

So, today I went to the mall with emily, lauren, and meaghan and it was pretty fun (: Except, when we first got there I saw my sister. She was with her friend Jess ( a girl) and they were drinking their coffee. So, I was like hi! and then i waved but she was just like "uhmm..hi." and thne jess started laughing. I decided I don't like her. At alll. So, I just kept walking and I heard them laughing behind me. When we got it meaghan said "haha you're sister was slick" and is aid "about what?" and megg said " oh..she was putting out a cigarette like stomping on it with her foot."
It's so sad. Like she's lieing to my mom and dad and now she's making me a lier too because I dont wanna tell my mom what happended because then Maribeth will get mad at me. My mom said that my sister couldnt have her car for 2 weeks. It has been like 2 days and she already has her car back. I want to ask my mom about this but I'm afraid she will get mad. So, I'm just gonna give Maribeth a little bit of attitude. I also want to put like a "dangers of smoking" article in the bathroom so that maybe she will see it. She's going to get addicted. I hope she knows that.
And she keeps complaining that she doesn't have a boyfriend. Well, maybe if she stopped smoking that would make it a little bit easier. I even know that guys don't like girls who smoke ( well most of htem anyways). Smoking makes your breath smell bad, teeth yellow, it gets all in your clothes, causes a lot of health problems, and you could actually DIE. It's just soo stupid and disgusting and it's just frustrating.
You know what? she's doing this to herself. I'm not giving her anymore sympathy. I'm not. Im done. DONE with all this crap about her being fat and ugly. Go ahead and smoke. smoke until your lungs turn black and your teeth are all yellow. Just don't you dare do it around me or I will actually smack you probably. She doens't even know me anymore. Before jess, all she cared about was friggen Corey and now smoking, maybe if she didn't friggen smoke corey wouldnt have broken up with her. I'm done. goodnight.

She just bothers me so much,

My sister. She judges everyone and she says that she doesnt want to be judged. It's aggravating. Today in the car my mom said she and my friend emily were exactly the same, because they are, and she was like "ughhh im annoying??". Emily has a pretty tough life and doesnt need my sister judging her. My sister doesnt even know Emily so she needs to shut the frig up.
Me and her are just soooo different even though we look "exactly alike" or so everyone says. Examples are : Maribeth- loves reading, hates her body, cares SO MUCH about what other people think, thinks she needs a boyfriend, judges people, doesn't like helping people all that much, hates exercising, and is quite annoying if you ask me.
Now I- dont like readin,g don't really care what strangers think of me, I'm pretty confident in myself, I really don't need a guy, I like taking care of my body and exercising and stuff, I like to help people, and I can be anoying at times but i dont think thaaat often.
Idk how im going to do it allllll next year and maybe the year after. Im going to have to start standing up for myself a little bit. Shes just always been so much like bigger than me but now shes not. I've always been afraid of her and kinda still am because i hate it when people are mad at me but i just dont think i can take it without saying anything. I dont even know if i can stand it during the summer. She needs a boyfriend. Unlike me, who can survive without one. she needs to go to therepy. thats what she needs.

weeek from hell.

Okay so this week has been terrible. I tried out for cheerleading on monday and i absolutely hated it. I knew i wasn't ever going to like it either so I just gave up. I hope I didn't make a mistake but I think i am a dancer, not a cheerleader. It just was not for me. When I see a girl falling towards me my instinct is to run away. When i jump and go backwards i am afraid that i will crack my head open. It just wasn't my thing and that's okay! So, I quit. Im kind of dissapointed in myself but i was so stressed and i was crying like the past 3 days over and how i didn't want to go back. It was just plain out bad and not for me. I think i am going to go back to colroguard and dance. Whatever. One of the only reasons i wasnte to do it was so i could cheer at the games and thats really it. But, as they said, that's only a tiny tiny part of cheerleading it is so so so much harder than it looks. Another reason was so that I could be different but I can mkae my mark wihtout being a cheerleader right? I just dont want to follow in my sister's footsteps i wanna make my own path for myself and do stuff i want to do. But, my sister and I like the same things, we both love music and artsy things. Oh well, i guess im nicer than her so that counts.
So this kid Ryan likes me and he seems pretty nice. Andd this kid Tony thinks im hot and this other kid Kody likes me too. Along with matt but i dont know if he still does. I dont really like matt cuz i never talk to him haha and then kody and tony are my friends so i could never go out with them cuz that woulkd be wierd haha anddd Ryan? I dont know about him either because I just started getting to know him. But who knows, maybe we could be something(:
so yeah that was my week from hell. and on top of it all i found out that my teacher from 5th grade passed away and I really liked her. She's going to be missed. She was such a great teacher and never yelled at anyone. I wish i got a chance to see her before she died, i really do.

FML.

so these last two days have been totally suckish. I feel like i seriously have NO ONE and that no body even wnats me anymore ):.
My sister came home from college and i dont like her all that much. she sued to be so fun to hang out with but like ever since high school, shes been a total bitch like all the time. She yells and complains that she is fat every single friggen second and that has an affect on me and i dont think that she realizes that. I am 15 years old and I feel like i know better than she does. like today she left all her shit in the bathroom and i went in and found a box of cigarettes in her purse. She should know better than to smoke, really she should. Also on her facebook she says that she is out getting drunk which is so fucking stupid. My dad was in a drunk dirving accident and he got a bruise on his brain and was in a coma for 3 months. so, she should know not to do drink.
I really dont undertstand why people feel the need to do drugs and smoke and drink. 1) it's disgusting!!! 2) why would u wanna mess up ur body?? and 3) it is really scary for the people around you.
I used to look up to my sister, but not that much anymore. I feel like i am loosing her and I wnat the old her back. Even if she acts bitchy that's okay as long as she's not hurting herself or complaining about her body. If she's taht unhappy about it than do something about it. don't just sit around on ur lazy ass all day. GET UP AND MOVE. It won't kill you (although if she keeps smoking she will kill herself eventualy). )':
I have been needing to cry like for 2 days now and im sick of crying. Im sick of just sitting her by myself and laying around. I need a new life.

Bring on the day

HI again. So, last night Emily invited everyone over for a bonfire at her house, including ben. It was so so much fun (: And I don't think they are mad at me anymore, which is always a plus! But, we were all having so much fun (besides joey of course), until the boys decided to play basketball (including joey). So, during the game joey and emily's sister's boyfriend kept like gaining up on ben and like punching him and stuff and shoving him. It was seriously uncalled for. I mean, ben was being so nice the entire night so why did they have to go and ruin it?? They are so aggravating.
And to top it all off i know the reason why they are fighting. I guess Ben called that girl Mikaela fat and ugly (hahaha. ahem. sorry). But, i guess he said that joey said that toom which joey didn't. So, now, Mikaela and Joey are like best buddies, and Ben has no one but like me lauren emily and meaghan. You gotta feel sorry for him ): And plus he's so cute! hahaha okay, im gonna stop now.

It's really not that hard..

OK, so I know i have not wirteen in a wickedd long time, but i have been soo busy it's crazzzy! So, right now my friends are mad at me (once again) over somethine. But, at least tehy ahve found someone to replace mt his time! His name is Cody, and one of my friends lieks him. This isn't going to turn out well becaus ethey're going to become such good friends that he won't think of her in the way that she thinks of him. Then, they'll somehow find a way to blame it all on me because they think my life is just so friggen easy and that I have all the time in the world to deal with this drama. Like seriously??? COME ON! i am the busiest one out of alll of them. It is so aggravating.
Today ben asked me if we wanted to go to his baseball game and i really wnated to because he's been wanting to hang out like all week but they just keep like blowing him off for cody and it's not fair! Cody is replacing me and ben and it's not fun at all like they may think it is. And the only reason why they don't wanna hang around with ben is because joey is mad at him but i dont get why the need joey's permission to hang out with people it is just so stupid they need to make up their own minds and do what they wanna do. Its not that hard to do, really, trust me.

Words are easier said than done.

OK so i know all u invisible readers are getting sick of Ben but seriously idk what to do. Hes never gonna like me again, I know that but like my mind just can't seem to wrap around that concept and i dont get why. I really need to get over him because he has aleady moved on to this other girl named Mikaela who is supposedly really nice. Good for him. He deserves a nice girl and all but seriously. On saturday he invited me over wiht like a bunch of other people from his basketball team and she was there and he put his arm around her. It was really awkward. He didn't even really talk to me much either. His mom did though. I really like her because she's wicked nice. I also played wii bowling with his little brother tony but tony won ahha and i really did try! Also, i dont think ben realizes that i could be saying soo many things about him right now but instead im just letting it go. Im not gonna tell anyone about how scared he was at witches woods or about his finding nemo or whatever it was beadspread. But, still. He thinks he has this control over me and its not fair. Hes the one who gave me more confidence in myself in the first place. This is allll his doing of me sticking up for myself and stuff. It also bugs me cause i think he thinks he knows like everything about me. NEWFLASH he doesnt. He doesnt know about my dad's surgery, about how my birthcontrol pills mixed up my whole 7th garde year, he doesnt know that i pretend to confrotn him like ervy single day and i say what im gonna say to him in the mirroe but then when i see him in person i dont say anything. I just act like a good little girl like he wants so he wont get in trouble. OKay, i need to stop this nonsense. I need to get a new boy in my head and stop thinking about him. I need to move on. I get it. I know what i need to do. But words are easier said than done.
Theres this dinner thing on March 29th that i hope he goes to. I wanna look so pretty and make him see what he's missing out on. But i guess it's not much now that he has her. Whatever, if shes really nice then she wont last for long. He'll probably do the same thing he did to me to her. Ans then i will stick up for her. And for some reason i still wont be over him. Why the heck does he have to be so fun to be around???? Why cnat he act like a jerk in person as well as on the computer????? NJDKSHDJFKHSFNJSDK. okay im done now....ill probably write back in a couple days i have a feeling ill have to.

well aren't you mr.perfect...

OK, me and ben broke up. he first told me the reason was because he felt really bad going behind his parents' backs. that's undertsandable. but then this girl catherine Ims me and tells me that ben asked her out. so, of course, i got mad. thenn i dont even remember what happened but my mom and his mom talked and then he got all mad because i told her what was going on between me and him, he got really mad and like was putting words into my mouth that he never said and told me to just leave him alone. he said he was going to ask me out again but now he just wants me to leave him alone. w/e. im sorry ben that i couldnt be pefect for you. but you need to grow up and face reality and learn some social skills.
that's really hard to do, to like ignore him. For some reaosn i really miss him sometimes. i dont know why. He doesnt treat me taht great...and now that i think about it he isnt even that cute. haha ill get over him sooner or later. I just really wish he would stop being mad at me cuz i never never never said what he thinks i said and he thinks im a lier but im not. =( i just wish he would listen to me, and just really realy listen. or you know, at least CALL me and not IM me...seriously grow up.
Im sorta liking this kid andrew in my school. he's in 3 of my classes and i talk to him quite a bit. yesterday he took my phone from me and added his number. haha i thought it was cute =)
It's 2 days till christmas and im soo excited ! The only thing is is that my sister is home. and so is my mom. my mom plus my sister equals not good. They fight like every day about the silliest things. I thinkt hey fight so much because they are exactly alike. My sister is usually such a downer when my mom;s around and idk why. she used to be really fun until she turned like 16. then all she wnated was to be cool. she always complains about her weight sooo much. and so does my mom. im so tired of it. they need to learn to except themselves as they are. I did, and im only 15. So I think a 50 year old and a 19 year old can do it too. It's hard, but it's possible.
I'm starting to realize who i really am and who my real friends are. Lauren Megg and Emily are such good friends and even if they do get mad at me sometimes, i dont care. They know the real me and except me for me. They make me feel good about myself...and every one needs people like that in their lives. =)

you are such a headache.

woow so i totally forgot about this thing haha i've been really busy. I'm just gonna do a brief summary cause i don't feel like writing and i am tireddd. So, me and ben are going out and i reallllly like him a lott. My birthday was november 2nd, so i am now 15! yay me! uhmmm...dance is going good. My partner for the special needs class wasn't there last night so I took this autistic girl named Natasha under my wing. She actually seems to work better with me than with anyone else, but i love my other partner and hopefully i get to stay with her- her name's Erin. Today i went to ben's football game at the high school with some of my friends from school. They are Amanda, Katelyn, and Kerrin. At first i thought kerrin was going to be mean because my from emily doesn't really liker her for some reason, but she ended up being really nice! For now, that is. But with teenage girls, they are super nice one minute and complete bitches the next.
my mom has been getting on my nerves lately. She's really getting too involoved with my life. Like she keeps asking who im talking to when im IMing my friends, who im texting, if this person answered me yet, that i need to do my homework when i clearly know I have to do it. Im not dumb. I got all As and Bs on my report card. I mean, i like how shes a part of my life and all but enough is enough! pretty soon i am going to crack hahhaa. she also alwaysss reads over my shoudler when im Iming my friends, which is so annoying. I know she is just trying to protect me from internet violence, but again im a smart girl, i know what to do and what not to do online.
ughh i hvae such a bad headache. it's been going on for 4 days now, maybe i should go to the doc? idk...

that's it for now.
Byee <3

sorry!!

My life has again been pretty boringg. but I guess I could tell you baout saturday with Ben =)

So, saturday i went to the trunk or treat thing with Ben. I had a lot of fun. All I really did was sit on a chair outside of his big van's trunk and hand out candy to little trunk or treaters. It was kind of boring at first because neither of us were talking but then once more people began to come, it was quite fun. We stayed a little bit later than his family so that we could play in the blow-up things ( the bouncy jump thingies haha). Thenn we saw some people from school that we knew, which was cool. After we were through with that stuff, we went back to his house, had supper (which id dint know tehy said grace before they ate..so i was eating before everyone else..sorry! haha I felt bad), and then went downstairs and played the wii. While down tehre, he tried to kiss me but I didnt knoww an di accidentally turned my head again, i felt wickeddd bad.sorry again! But, yeah, it was a pretty fun day.

So tomorrow is friday again, thank godd. This week went by soo slow.
I'm tired so im going to go to bed. Ill write back as soon as i cann =)

Aw, that's cute <3

My life has been actually pretty boring the last few days. I'm back to my regular schedule of school, dance, and homework..and life on the weekends HaHa! This weekend the teachers gave us a ton of homework. I have a 3 and a half page essay due for history on Monday, um English stuff due Tuesday..algebra due Monday...and science due Monday. So, yeah, I have no clue when I am going to get this all done.
Tomorrow I'm going to this trunk or treat thing with Ben. I hope I have fun, because I'm actually kind of anxious for it! But, I might feel awkward because I think all of his family is going ( he has 12 siblings..plus mom and dad..yess big family). But, I guess that's fine because most of them are smaller, and I love little kids =)
Today at the game, I saw Ben on the field like once. So, after the half time show, he told one of the other color guard members to tell me he said hi hahhaha. I thought it was really cute! Like no one had ever done stuff like that to be before. I really like him a lot. . . I don't think people know how much though, including him which may be a problemm.

That's it for noww. I'll definetly write tomorrow <3

I just want to wake up to tomorrow.

So today my day was all off. It all started when I woke up this morning. I thought it was Thursday so I got all excited because then tomorrow would be Friday, which is my favorite day! But, alas, it was only Wednesday =( Then my alarm went off at 6 o'clock and i tried turning it off but it wouldn't shut off. So, I just went back to sleep and slept for another 10 minutes. By the time I woke up from that little nap, the alarm was off thank god. I then went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, getting toothpaste all over my shirt. Okay, whatever. Then I went to go get ready for school. I had a pretty cute outfit planned, but today my jeans just weren't fitting right for some reason, so I changed them for another pair. While I was doing my makeup, my eyeliner broke and I didn't have a sharpener handy, so I could not wear eyeliner to school.
After school I had color guard, which actually went pretty well. I didn't injure myself or any one else which is always good! After color guard I had dance from 4-8. Yes, 4 hour of helping kids who don't know what they are doing to dance and then doing my own class for 1 and a half hours. During my class, I fell while on pointe because I got wicked dizzy, and I just fell to the ground. I didn't make a big thump though =) After dance we went to Wendy's and I got a bacon and cheese baked potato and a coke. Now, my stomach hurts, probably from the potato. So, yes as you can see my day didn't go well. I hope tomorrow will be better <3

Caliente !

So yesterday was the band competition. Our show, Caliente, came in very last place. The color guard got 3 stars, while last year the got two. And our overall score was a 3 which I guess is okay. We were however the most spirited team there and had many many people from our hometown come and support us. While on the field I was actually kind of nervous. We had been practicing for this day for a wicked long time, and now it was it. Our director told us we had to smile, or we would get points taken off, which was very hard to do because the show is like 10 minutes long. But I did it. I love to smile anyways. =)
Last night we had a scary movie night over at my friend joey's house. It was really fun. My friends Emily, Lauren, Meaghan, and Meghan were there. And Ben (B) and his brother, Pat. We watched Prom Night, which wasn't scary at all. Except for the stabbings, that was kinda gross because it was unrated, so you saw the guy actually stab them to death. Then we watch IT..it wasn't that scary while we were watching it but when I went outside, I got wicked scared because there was a sewer and I though the clown was gonna be there and grab my foot. =( Also when I got home I was afraid IT was gonna be in my shower or something haha I know I sound very wimpy but hey, I get scared pretty easily =)
I was soo happy I got today off. I needed a day to relax. I have a wicked cute outfit planned for school tomorrow though =) Its skinny jeans, boots and then this purple sweater I got at ae for 10 bucks ! Great deal, I know.

That's really it for now, invisible readers...byeee <3

and more confusion...

Last night at around 10 o'clock the girls called me, and found out the real story. I am so glad they did because I didn't even realize how much that was stressing me out. But, while on the phone they said some strange things, different than what B told me. I guess one night during this week B flipped out at all of them in a chat room. I think that was just because he was mad, and he was trying to stick up for me. I told him to just stay out of it, but did he listen? Of course not! No one ever listens to me. I wish I could have just handled the whole thing myself. They girls threw it way out of proportion. I mean was it really such a big deal that I broke up with one guy to go out with another? That happens all the time, especially if you're a teenager. I don't know who to trust anymore. I'm not taking sides because I don't wanna believe either of the stories they told me.
Last weekend when we went to witches woods I had a lot of fun with B and i really liked him. But, now I'm not so sure..i think i do though I just need to spend more time with him. I really wish he went to my high school, and he wasn't home schooled. Because then I would see him the day after tomorrow and sort things out face to face. I tried calling him last night but no one answered, so I left him a message on facebook saying thatI needed to talk to him. I hope he doesn't think I wanna break up with him becausei don't..i just wanna talk to him!
The girls last night on the phone said that B was a lyer and stuff but I find that kinda hard to believe but kinda right at the same time. I mean I know that he sometimes lies, but I don't think he would lie to me especially in a time like this. That would just be stupid...and they were like trying to put me against him. But, I can't help it if I like him, even if he does lie.. We all have our problems. This is way too confusing for one girl to handle...I need to talk to him.