well aren't you mr.perfect...

OK, me and ben broke up. he first told me the reason was because he felt really bad going behind his parents' backs. that's undertsandable. but then this girl catherine Ims me and tells me that ben asked her out. so, of course, i got mad. thenn i dont even remember what happened but my mom and his mom talked and then he got all mad because i told her what was going on between me and him, he got really mad and like was putting words into my mouth that he never said and told me to just leave him alone. he said he was going to ask me out again but now he just wants me to leave him alone. w/e. im sorry ben that i couldnt be pefect for you. but you need to grow up and face reality and learn some social skills.
that's really hard to do, to like ignore him. For some reaosn i really miss him sometimes. i dont know why. He doesnt treat me taht great...and now that i think about it he isnt even that cute. haha ill get over him sooner or later. I just really wish he would stop being mad at me cuz i never never never said what he thinks i said and he thinks im a lier but im not. =( i just wish he would listen to me, and just really realy listen. or you know, at least CALL me and not IM me...seriously grow up.
Im sorta liking this kid andrew in my school. he's in 3 of my classes and i talk to him quite a bit. yesterday he took my phone from me and added his number. haha i thought it was cute =)
It's 2 days till christmas and im soo excited ! The only thing is is that my sister is home. and so is my mom. my mom plus my sister equals not good. They fight like every day about the silliest things. I thinkt hey fight so much because they are exactly alike. My sister is usually such a downer when my mom;s around and idk why. she used to be really fun until she turned like 16. then all she wnated was to be cool. she always complains about her weight sooo much. and so does my mom. im so tired of it. they need to learn to except themselves as they are. I did, and im only 15. So I think a 50 year old and a 19 year old can do it too. It's hard, but it's possible.
I'm starting to realize who i really am and who my real friends are. Lauren Megg and Emily are such good friends and even if they do get mad at me sometimes, i dont care. They know the real me and except me for me. They make me feel good about myself...and every one needs people like that in their lives. =)

you are such a headache.

woow so i totally forgot about this thing haha i've been really busy. I'm just gonna do a brief summary cause i don't feel like writing and i am tireddd. So, me and ben are going out and i reallllly like him a lott. My birthday was november 2nd, so i am now 15! yay me! uhmmm...dance is going good. My partner for the special needs class wasn't there last night so I took this autistic girl named Natasha under my wing. She actually seems to work better with me than with anyone else, but i love my other partner and hopefully i get to stay with her- her name's Erin. Today i went to ben's football game at the high school with some of my friends from school. They are Amanda, Katelyn, and Kerrin. At first i thought kerrin was going to be mean because my from emily doesn't really liker her for some reason, but she ended up being really nice! For now, that is. But with teenage girls, they are super nice one minute and complete bitches the next.
my mom has been getting on my nerves lately. She's really getting too involoved with my life. Like she keeps asking who im talking to when im IMing my friends, who im texting, if this person answered me yet, that i need to do my homework when i clearly know I have to do it. Im not dumb. I got all As and Bs on my report card. I mean, i like how shes a part of my life and all but enough is enough! pretty soon i am going to crack hahhaa. she also alwaysss reads over my shoudler when im Iming my friends, which is so annoying. I know she is just trying to protect me from internet violence, but again im a smart girl, i know what to do and what not to do online.
ughh i hvae such a bad headache. it's been going on for 4 days now, maybe i should go to the doc? idk...

that's it for now.
Byee <3

sorry!!

My life has again been pretty boringg. but I guess I could tell you baout saturday with Ben =)

So, saturday i went to the trunk or treat thing with Ben. I had a lot of fun. All I really did was sit on a chair outside of his big van's trunk and hand out candy to little trunk or treaters. It was kind of boring at first because neither of us were talking but then once more people began to come, it was quite fun. We stayed a little bit later than his family so that we could play in the blow-up things ( the bouncy jump thingies haha). Thenn we saw some people from school that we knew, which was cool. After we were through with that stuff, we went back to his house, had supper (which id dint know tehy said grace before they ate..so i was eating before everyone else..sorry! haha I felt bad), and then went downstairs and played the wii. While down tehre, he tried to kiss me but I didnt knoww an di accidentally turned my head again, i felt wickeddd bad.sorry again! But, yeah, it was a pretty fun day.

So tomorrow is friday again, thank godd. This week went by soo slow.
I'm tired so im going to go to bed. Ill write back as soon as i cann =)

Aw, that's cute <3

My life has been actually pretty boring the last few days. I'm back to my regular schedule of school, dance, and homework..and life on the weekends HaHa! This weekend the teachers gave us a ton of homework. I have a 3 and a half page essay due for history on Monday, um English stuff due Tuesday..algebra due Monday...and science due Monday. So, yeah, I have no clue when I am going to get this all done.
Tomorrow I'm going to this trunk or treat thing with Ben. I hope I have fun, because I'm actually kind of anxious for it! But, I might feel awkward because I think all of his family is going ( he has 12 siblings..plus mom and dad..yess big family). But, I guess that's fine because most of them are smaller, and I love little kids =)
Today at the game, I saw Ben on the field like once. So, after the half time show, he told one of the other color guard members to tell me he said hi hahhaha. I thought it was really cute! Like no one had ever done stuff like that to be before. I really like him a lot. . . I don't think people know how much though, including him which may be a problemm.

That's it for noww. I'll definetly write tomorrow <3

I just want to wake up to tomorrow.

So today my day was all off. It all started when I woke up this morning. I thought it was Thursday so I got all excited because then tomorrow would be Friday, which is my favorite day! But, alas, it was only Wednesday =( Then my alarm went off at 6 o'clock and i tried turning it off but it wouldn't shut off. So, I just went back to sleep and slept for another 10 minutes. By the time I woke up from that little nap, the alarm was off thank god. I then went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, getting toothpaste all over my shirt. Okay, whatever. Then I went to go get ready for school. I had a pretty cute outfit planned, but today my jeans just weren't fitting right for some reason, so I changed them for another pair. While I was doing my makeup, my eyeliner broke and I didn't have a sharpener handy, so I could not wear eyeliner to school.
After school I had color guard, which actually went pretty well. I didn't injure myself or any one else which is always good! After color guard I had dance from 4-8. Yes, 4 hour of helping kids who don't know what they are doing to dance and then doing my own class for 1 and a half hours. During my class, I fell while on pointe because I got wicked dizzy, and I just fell to the ground. I didn't make a big thump though =) After dance we went to Wendy's and I got a bacon and cheese baked potato and a coke. Now, my stomach hurts, probably from the potato. So, yes as you can see my day didn't go well. I hope tomorrow will be better <3

Caliente !

So yesterday was the band competition. Our show, Caliente, came in very last place. The color guard got 3 stars, while last year the got two. And our overall score was a 3 which I guess is okay. We were however the most spirited team there and had many many people from our hometown come and support us. While on the field I was actually kind of nervous. We had been practicing for this day for a wicked long time, and now it was it. Our director told us we had to smile, or we would get points taken off, which was very hard to do because the show is like 10 minutes long. But I did it. I love to smile anyways. =)
Last night we had a scary movie night over at my friend joey's house. It was really fun. My friends Emily, Lauren, Meaghan, and Meghan were there. And Ben (B) and his brother, Pat. We watched Prom Night, which wasn't scary at all. Except for the stabbings, that was kinda gross because it was unrated, so you saw the guy actually stab them to death. Then we watch IT..it wasn't that scary while we were watching it but when I went outside, I got wicked scared because there was a sewer and I though the clown was gonna be there and grab my foot. =( Also when I got home I was afraid IT was gonna be in my shower or something haha I know I sound very wimpy but hey, I get scared pretty easily =)
I was soo happy I got today off. I needed a day to relax. I have a wicked cute outfit planned for school tomorrow though =) Its skinny jeans, boots and then this purple sweater I got at ae for 10 bucks ! Great deal, I know.

That's really it for now, invisible readers...byeee <3

and more confusion...

Last night at around 10 o'clock the girls called me, and found out the real story. I am so glad they did because I didn't even realize how much that was stressing me out. But, while on the phone they said some strange things, different than what B told me. I guess one night during this week B flipped out at all of them in a chat room. I think that was just because he was mad, and he was trying to stick up for me. I told him to just stay out of it, but did he listen? Of course not! No one ever listens to me. I wish I could have just handled the whole thing myself. They girls threw it way out of proportion. I mean was it really such a big deal that I broke up with one guy to go out with another? That happens all the time, especially if you're a teenager. I don't know who to trust anymore. I'm not taking sides because I don't wanna believe either of the stories they told me.
Last weekend when we went to witches woods I had a lot of fun with B and i really liked him. But, now I'm not so sure..i think i do though I just need to spend more time with him. I really wish he went to my high school, and he wasn't home schooled. Because then I would see him the day after tomorrow and sort things out face to face. I tried calling him last night but no one answered, so I left him a message on facebook saying thatI needed to talk to him. I hope he doesn't think I wanna break up with him becausei don't..i just wanna talk to him!
The girls last night on the phone said that B was a lyer and stuff but I find that kinda hard to believe but kinda right at the same time. I mean I know that he sometimes lies, but I don't think he would lie to me especially in a time like this. That would just be stupid...and they were like trying to put me against him. But, I can't help it if I like him, even if he does lie.. We all have our problems. This is way too confusing for one girl to handle...I need to talk to him.